How to Turn Negative Phrases to Positive Ones

My first husband was very good with words as was his mother, Mimi. She used to have her children write dictionary words as an enrichment activity. Though they remembered it as a punishment. As a teen, my 1st husband had been a youth minister in the Nation under the Minister Louis Farrakhan.

He Had Presence.

I had never met a young Black man who carried himself with such high self confidence. Almost like Eddie Murphy in the first Coming to America. I was taken with him. He spoke from a place of inner surety that seemed arrogant to some people.

But…back to the subject of words.  

Ultimately our inner conversation is the most important will need to change the inner conversation because it is KEY. What I say to myself about myself is key in my healing. So this is why therapists often spend time helping us to to discover our core beliefs about ourselves. 

Sometimes even hours after hearing or saying the word or speaking about the topic, we still feel the sadness. We might find ourselves feeling feisty or withdrawn or needing to overeat or overconsume in some way.

On the healing journey, our mission is to take our emotional thermostat to a higher set point, which takes practice. Our words are an integral part of our transformation because they make up the inner and outer conversation.

Language is a powerful tool for both expressing and regulating emotions. Some words resonate with positive energy and can uplift our thoughts, emotions, and even our physical reality. “High-vibration” words can align us with higher emotions and attract positive outcomes. Consider words like, love, peace, harmony, success, and prosperity. These words might attach to mental pictures, stories or past memories and then effect how we feel.

Let us practice ‘lightening’ 5 common phrases:

1/ When I say the word, ‘divorce’, how does that feel? For me it feels very heavy, the sadness of it. For some people, it may bring up painful moments and possibly raw emotion. Here are a few alternative words/phrases:

• they went their separate ways
• their marriage has ended.
• they are no longer married.

For a lot of people, these may feel a lot lighter. Okay, let’s try another one.

2./ He/She is a Narcissist.

What comes to your mind? Possibly someone who is cruel and manipulative. That’s a loaded word these days. Instead of using that word, especially if you know this person has no diagnosis; you’re not the therapist. So instead of using that word, we can say: he tends to be very self-centered. He tends to be.

• He tends to be self-centered.
• He appears to take advantage of others.
• I don’t feel respected by him.

You see the difference?

3./ I’m stressed out.

Again, how does that make you feel just saying it? I used to be in the habit of saying, I’m tired. I’m tired. I’m tired. But I wasn’t tired. I was feeling something else. Maybe what I really felt was bored or confused or not enough.

I’m stressed out,’ is a phrase we hear a lot but what’s underneath that is possibly confusion and worries. A A person may have worries about family, worries about money, worries about health, worries about relationships. Perhaps they feel tired, overwhelmed; not enough. The mind is not at peace. So they call that stress. Instead of saying I’m stressed, we could take a deep breath and say,

• I need support.
• Let me re-evaluate this situation.
• It’s time for me to rest or recharge my batteries.

You see the difference in the two.

4./ Instead of saying, “I’m broke”. or, “The economy is so bad.”

“Things are really hard out here.” These kinds of statements that people make are not helpful. Most people think they’re telling the truth. Right? But you’re telling the truth from a certain perspective. Because there are plenty of people who look at the economy right now and see loads of opportunities.

So you’re only telling the truth from the perspective that you see it from when you say, “It’s hard out here.” It’s not hard for everybody. Some people are thriving, having fun in their lives and enjoying financial ease. These people have everything they need and desire. So instead of saying, I’m broke or the economy’s so bad, we can say:

• This storm will pass.
• I wonder what new streams of income I could tap into.
• You could also remember the prayer of David. The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.

So everything I need is here. Everything I need is here. All my needs are met. If we could be in the habit of saying that and then just sitting in that, sitting in that and then walking in that, all my needs are met. All my needs are met.

5./ When encountering a tough situation or person, instead of saying: I hate this! or This person/situation makes me sick, or gets on my nerves! After taking a deep breath we can say:

• How is this person/situation challenging me to grow.
• I can breathe through tough moments.
• I am in charge of how I feel.

As we heal, we lighten our words as we lighten the emotional load. If you did this for about 3 months straight you would not only feel better. You would reach a new set point in your emotional thermostat. You change your language as you give yourself and others more grace. Why do you give grace especially to those who hurt you? Because you begin to understand the larger picture; that we are all humans having a human experience.

I realize that my words matter. Both the words I utter and the words I say inside my head matter.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Proverbs 18:21

Nela