A Sanctuary for Trauma Healing, Not a Spotlight on Me
What brought me here is not why I am here.
Yes, it was trauma—religious trauma, emotional trauma, and the collapse of everything I thought was true—that pushed me into the healing process. My story includes an emotional breakdown in 2018, a faith crisis the following year, and the slow, agonizing unraveling of a belief system I had committed to for more than 25 years. Those experiences shook me awake. They forced me to confront the gap between what I believed and what I truly knew in my soul.
But make no mistake: that is not why Nela’s Nest exists.
My personal story is simply the doorway. It is not the destination.
I share pieces of my journey—my years in the Middle East, my deconstruction process, the grief I carried, and the truths I uncovered—not to center myself, but to create connection. I offer my experience as a bridge so others don’t feel alone as they walk their own difficult path toward healing.
Because the real mission of Nela’s Nest is this:
🌿 To support the healing and recovery of those who carry childhood trauma, spiritual trauma, or both.
What I learned on my own journey is something I never expected: The religious and spiritual wounds I suffered did not begin with religion. They were rooted in my childhood.
Unmet needs. Silent pain. Confusion that had no language. A longing to belong. Fear of disappointing people who held power over me.
These early wounds laid the foundation for later spiritual trauma. They created vulnerabilities—openings—through which harmful teachings, rigid systems, and fear-based doctrines took hold.
When I finally began untangling my religious trauma, I found the deeper root beneath it. And that changed everything.
🌱 Healing, I discovered, is an inside-out process.
You cannot heal religious trauma without addressing the childhood patterns that allowed it to shape you. You cannot reclaim your spiritual life without understanding the emotional life that lived beneath it. You cannot build a new identity without honoring the parts of you that were silenced, ignored, or conditioned to accept harm.
Nela’s Nest was created to support you through this entire journey.
This is a space for:
asking questions without fear
understanding the connection between childhood wounds and spiritual patterns
learning how trauma shapes the way we believe, trust, love, and relate
rebuilding a sense of self rooted in truth, not fear
finding compassion for the parts of you that had to survive
I am here not as a guru, not as a religious authority, and not as the center of the story— but as a fellow traveler who learned how to climb out of a deep, dark place and now extends a hand to help others find their way too.
Welcome to the Nest. This is your sanctuary. This is your soft place to land. This is where healing begins.
💔 Through the Hijab: Healing Religious Trauma in the Lives of Muslim Girls
We speak endlessly about the struggles of Muslim women — their rights, their choices, their voices. But the stories of Muslim girls, ages 7 to 18, are often left untold. It’s as if they live behind a second veil — not of fabric, but of silence.
Growing up is hard enough. Growing up as a Muslim girl in an environment that demands strict conformity can feel like living under a microscope, every action weighed against the honor of the family, the image of the whole religion, and the fear of eternal punishment.
I’ve worked closely with Arab girls in the Middle East, Muslim teens in the West, and I’ve raised two Muslim daughters myself. I’ve seen firsthand how religious structures meant to guide can instead wound. I remember how my daughters struggled to follow the strict rules of hijab at the age of 7 and 8, negotiating long garments amid childhood play. The pressure to be “a good girl” often hides deep questions about love, identity, and autonomy — questions too dangerous to ask out loud.
🌍 Navigating Girlhood
Whether in the West or the Middle East, Muslim girls often struggle with identity issues that go beyond the typical teenage angst. They constantly weigh their decisions:
If I wear certain clothes, am I being immodest? If I talk to a boy, am I disobeying my family or my faith? If I’m found out, will I be punished — or will my family be ashamed?
These are not questions of simple rebellion. They are about survival. Fear of being labeled, of being found out, of bringing shame to one’s family — it all adds up to a kind of quiet trauma that can follow them into adulthood.
Recently, my daughter invited me to watch a teen soap opera, AlRawabi School for Girls — a Middle Eastern drama on Netflix set in Jordan. It hit close to home.
The show explores the secret lives of Arab girls at a private school — sneaking around for online romances, dealing with bullying, trying to navigate between traditional expectations and modern desires. One girl, Leanne, is under tight control from her brothers and father, but finds ways to rebel quietly. Watching this, I realized: this isn’t just drama. This is real life for many.
After Mariam is brutally bullied by Leanne and her friends, she plans revenge. However, her actions have unexpected consequences. The show reflects themes that are not commonly discussed: toxic patriarchy, bullying, mental health issues, religion and reputation, and the tradition of honor killings.
My two daughters spent half their childhood in the Middle East. They both know all too well what happens when girls are too controlled and suppressed. Though Leanne is presented as the villain of the story, she was just a girl, trying to prove her worthiness and curious about love.
The story, unfortunately, has a terrible ending for her.
🧩 Teenage Marriage and Complex Trauma
Here’s where it gets deeper — and darker. In the Salafi Islamic community, which I was once part of, the emphasis on marrying girls off early leads to a different kind of trauma.
I remember when I worked in the Islamic school, a mother pulled me aside to seek advice about her daughter, who had just turned 11.
“I see how she watches music videos and how she moves her body. She is acting like she’s ready to have sex.”
“Oh no, she’s much too young to really want to do it,” I reassured her. “She just needs more attention and more constructive activities.”
I told her about the Saudi girls I used to teach back in Madinah — how many came to the English institute just to get away from home. The virgins had a little freedom: malls, shopping with friends. But two of my young students had been divorcees; the grip on them was extremely tight.
“Because,” I explained to her, “after the girl has sex, she may desire it more afterwards… and if she ends up divorced, what will you do with an 11-year-old divorcee?”
My coworker sat back thoughtfully, then became resolute again.
“No, I have to protect her from fornication.”
I knew what that meant.
Only three months later, I had just had my baby, and I saw my coworker at a community event. After fussing over the baby, she introduced me to a veiled, smiling lady.
“This is Umm Muneeb. Her son has just proposed to my daughter.”
I tried not to look shocked as my heart pounded. They both smiled at each other with pride. I wanted to scream. I wanted to shake them both.
But my lips stayed shut as I heard the voice of “Elder Noble Brother” in my head:
“Let no one speak against the sunnah! It is a protection.”
Months later, Umm Muneeb was at my dining table. She stayed behind after Arabic class and told me the horrors her 15-year-old son faced when he discovered his wife was only 11. My coworker had lied and said she was 13. A divorce was arranged.
And it didn’t stop there.
After we moved back to the Middle East, we would make summer visits back to our community. I would see familiar faces at Eid gatherings in the park. Invited to barbeque burgers and blankets in the grass, I listened to more stories of teen marriages gone wrong. Boys and girls I had watched grow up had multiple divorces by age 17.
That broke my heart. It still saddens me.
💡 Healing is Possible — And You’re Not Alone
For every story like Leanne’s, and for every real-life girl whose voice has been silenced, there are countless others quietly enduring in the shadows. Some will never speak about the pressure, the shame, or the choices they never got to make. Others will find the courage to break free — and when they do, they need a safe place to land.
We can’t rewrite the past for these girls, but we can help write a different future. That begins with listening, believing their stories, and yes…even challenging harmful traditions — no matter how “normal” they have been made to seem.
To the Muslim girls who have been told they are too much, too curious, too emotional, too disobedient — know this: you are not too much. You are exactly enough. Your life, your voice, and your heart matter more than anyone’s reputation.
Healing from religious trauma isn’t a straight road, but it’s a journey worth taking. And the more we walk it together, the more light we can pour into the dark corners where silence has reigned for too long.
I, myself, was silent for too long.
If you see yourself in these words, or know someone who might, I invite you to join me for my upcoming workshop, Healing from Religious Trauma, here at Nela’s Nest. Because your story is worth telling — and your healing is worth fighting for. The link to the form is below.
I first learned this term through the work of the late Peter Gerlach, MSW. He spent 15 years creating a remarkable body of work on childhood trauma, family dynamics, and inner healing before his passing in 2015. I was blessed to speak with him in 2014 during a very difficult time in my life, and his insights stayed with me.
In Gerlach’s framework, a fixation happens when a parent becomes so focused on a specific standard, object, or outcome that it becomes more important than the relationship with their child.
How Fixations Look in Everyday Life
Fixations can be as simple as an obsession with a spotless kitchen.
One dirty dish in the sink becomes a fight.
Instead of connection, the parent leads with judgment, shame, or blame.
Or, take a father who excelled in sports — football, boxing, basketball — and sees his son as an extension of himself. His fixation is for the son to match his athletic achievements, even if the child’s own interests lie elsewhere. The picture in the parent’s mind takes priority over the real, living relationship.
The Sock Story: How Small Things Become Big Wounds
I once saw a little girl, around seven or eight, bubbling with excitement because she was going out with her dad. She got to the door, only for him to notice she had on one blue sock and one green sock.
Instead of brushing it off, he sent her back upstairs to change. The problem? She couldn’t find the matching socks — she had simply put on what she could.
By the time she came back down, her head was hung low in shame — that feeling that something is wrong with you, not just what you did. The joy of the moment was gone. The “sock incident” became a snapshot in her mind, imprinted with intense emotion, and those moments can leave chemical imprints in the body that affect long-term well-being.
Why This Matters for Healing Our Parenting
When fixations take center stage, children begin to associate being around us with tension instead of safety. Over time, this can create lasting damage:
They avoid being around us once they have the choice.
They carry nervousness or self-doubt into other relationships.
The bond is weakened by years of small, avoidable wounds.
We must ask ourselves:
Is my desire for cleanliness, order, appearance, or achievement stronger than my desire to connect with my child?
Am I willing to loosen my standard to protect the relationship?
A Better Way
My own father was meticulous — the kind who aligned vacuum lines on the carpet. But he never let his perfectionism poison his relationships. If he saw a dish in the sink, he’d wash it himself, sometimes with a light comment, but always prioritizing connection over criticism.
That’s leadership. That’s love.
The Takeaway
Fixations may seem small in the moment, but they can poison the parent-child bond for years. As parents, we are called to put relationship above rigid standards. The immaculate kitchen, matching socks, or perfect picture in our minds is not worth losing the trust and warmth of our children.
When we choose connection over control, we plant seeds for lifelong closeness — and we break the cycle of shame and perfectionism that can pass down through generations.
Key Lessons:
Fixations are relationship killers — they put objects or standards above people.
Small incidents can leave lasting scars when handled with criticism instead of compassion.
Connection must outweigh control if we want a strong lifelong bond with our children.
Healing starts with self-awareness — notice when your standard is more about your own comfort or ego than your child’s well-being.
Reflection Prompt: Take a moment today to notice if your standards, habits, or personal fixations are coming before connection with your child. Ask yourself: What would love choose in this moment?
Every small step you take toward healing yourself is a step toward breaking generational cycles and building a legacy of trust and safety.
Healing Our Parenting isn’t about being perfect — it’s about being present, honest, and willing to grow alongside our children.
🌿 Finding Your Way Back to You: A Gentle Beginning with Handpan Music by Malte Marten
Welcome, Precious One.
If you’ve found yourself here, maybe something inside is stirring—calling you toward healing, toward peace, or just toward something more. Whether you’re just beginning to explore your spiritual path, tending to emotional wounds, or simply trying to reconnect with your inner self, know this: you are not alone, and you are right on time.
This journey is not about fixing what’s broken—it’s about returning to your wholeness, slowly and gently.
“He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.” — Psalm 23:3 (KJV)
Where is your soul being invited to rest and restore today?
Here are three powerful and loving steps to help ground you as you begin this sacred work.
🌸 Three Things to Do When You’re Just Beginning
If you are beginning your own journey of healing—emotionally, spiritually, or both—here are three powerful steps to ground your process:
1. Practice Breathwork
Breath is our anchor. It’s the gateway to slowing down, feeling our body, and reconnecting with ourselves.
Many of us live in survival mode—tense shoulders, clenched jaws, stiff backs, or even clenched buttocks (yes, I discovered that too!). These are signs of fight, flight, or freeze responses from past trauma.
Breathwork helps dismantle these walls gently. Start with noticing your breath. Lengthen your exhale. Breathe into the tight places. And most importantly, feel what it’s like to simply be in your body.
Thare are coaches on You Tube who can guide you in various breathing practices. If you would like to explore this deeper with me, I will be hosting a workshop very soon here at Nela’s Nest.
2. Build a Circle of SupportHealing is not meant to be done alone.
Surround yourself with 2 or even 3 trusted, safe people—friends, mentors, family—who will hold space for you. These are the folks who give the best hugs, who will sit with you over a cup of tea, and who can simply be present without judgment.
Let them know you’re beginning a healing journey. You may include a clinical therapist in your journey. Having someone with a clinical background to listen and help you identify, or even diagnose things that may be going on inside of you. Whether or not you include a therapist or coach is up to you,—but never underestimate the power of gentle, consistent support.
3. Give Yourself Grace
This may be the hardest and most important step: be kind to yourself.
Painful memories may surface. You might wonder why you tolerated certain things. You may feel guilt or shame.
But here’s what I want you to remember:
Guilt says: I did something wrong.
Shame says: I am something wrong.
Neither defines who you truly are.
Give yourself grace. Talk to yourself kindly. Hug yourself. Look in the mirror and say, “I love you.” Or if that’s too hard, just point to your reflection and say, “You are loved. You are supported. You are worthy.”
This is a lifelong journey. It’s not linear. But every breath, every prayer, every moment of grace is a step forward.
From my heart to yours—thank you for flying into Nella’s Nest today.
This morning, my daughter started her first real job. Not just a part-time gig or something casual—her first truly “adult” job. A sales position uptown where she said she could make as much money as she wants… kind of.
As a mom, I felt a wave of pride—and also a tug of nervousness. I know sales demands confidence. I also know how delicate that confidence can be, especially if it’s been undermined in subtle ways by the kind of parenting I once practiced. Parenting shaped by fear. By rules. By the pressure of a strict religious environment.
So I offered a small gesture of support: “Let me walk you to the bus station.”
It’s only a five-minute walk. But to me, it felt like a quiet chance to uplift her—and, if I’m honest, to gently undo some of the damage I may have caused over the years.
She agreed. I said, “We can walk and talk. I want to share something Solomon once said.”
She glanced at me sideways, suspicious.. “Mom… is this from the Bible?”
“Yes,” I smiled. “But you know Sulaiman,” I added in Arabic, hoping it might sound more familiar, more approachable. “He was a powerful prophet and king!”
We started walking. Well—she started walking. At nineteen, her legs are long and fast. Mine, not so much. I was falling behind, breathless.
She glanced back, called out, “Gotta go! There’s the bus!”
My shoulders drooped. I had missed my moment.
But just as she stepped onto the bus, she turned and shouted over her shoulder:
“Text me what Solomon said!”
Something about that moment felt like an opening. Not because I’m trying to change her—her spiritual journey will unfold in its own time when the season is right. But I want her to have full access to the richness of God’s Word and the spiritual abundance that’s already meant for her.
Soloman’s words?
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23)
A seed planted. A step toward healing. For both of us.
💬 Have you had a moment like this—where a small exchange held deep healing?
I’d love to hear from you. Drop a comment below, or share this post with someone who’s healing from faith, parenting, or spiritual wounds.
Let’s keep these conversations going—because healing grows stronger when it’s shared.
What does that mean? It means intentionally re-entering spaces or dynamics that once hurt me—but this time, with new tools, insight, and boundaries. The goal is to rewire the way my body and mind respond. I don’t just relive the experience—I redo it with wisdom and strength.
For me, a big part of that correctional work has been learning to engage with men again—safely, selectively, and intentionally.
From Wounds to Wisdom
I converted to Islam at 22, but my trauma started long before that— And unfortunately, my experience in Islamic marriage did not heal that—it deepened the trauma. I wasn’t nurtured, seen, or emotionally safe. I was ordered, shamed, and then abandoned,
I have had to relearn what it means to be in the presence of a man. Not as a wife. Not as someone bound by rules or shame or being threatened with punishments.
Prophet Muhammad said: “When a man invites his wife to his bed and she does not come, and he (the husband) spends the night being angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.” (Sahih Muslim)
and
Prophet Muhammad also said: “I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.”
In the past, hadith like these had haunted me, deepening my shame and fueling my quest for perfectionism.
But now, showing up as a whole healed woman, I’ve been dating—and I mean truly dating. Dinners, concerts, conversations, mini-golf, walks. Not chasing marriage. Just enjoying respectful company and learning to receive healthy masculine energy.
And you know what? It’s been healing.
A Return to Self-Worth
Being treated like a queen—cherished, not merely tolerated or preached to—felt revolutionary after everything I had endured and watched my friends endure. To be taken out, cared for, and truly seen was more than just refreshing; it was healing.
Traditional dating didn’t just teach me about men—it taught me about myself. I realized how nervous I used to be, how I stumbled through conversations, unsure of how to relate to the opposite sex after years in a strictly segregated religious environment. I often said the wrong things—or shut down entirely.
But I’ve grown.
You know, knowing my value changed everything.
Once the fear dissolved… I learned to see men—differently. I no longer spoke from a place of fear or obligation, avoiding eye contact and hoping I’m doing the right thing. Instead, I now speak with ease and comfort knowing that as a woman, I am just as valuable to God as he is as a man.
And I learned to listen, not just to words, but… to a man’s heart. Men actually have hearts!
And once I could hear that… everything shifted. I began to see things—things most people miss. I could sense what weighed on him. I could tell when he was guarded… or when he was silently screaming for someone to truly see him.
Now, I can spot certain things in a man almost instantly. And because of that… men often open up to me. They share the quiet things. The tender things. The things they’ve never said out loud.
And when they do… I honor them.
I don’t use a man’s vulnerability against him. I don’t interrupt it. I hold space for it.
Because when a man lets you see his heart, that’s not weakness—it’s sacred. And I treat it as such.
This, I believe, is part of becoming an emotionally healthy woman: not only knowing your worth, but also holding space for the humanity in others—without losing yourself in the process.
The Inner Work
My modesty, my etiquette, my grace—I do thank Islam for that. It taught me dignity, self-restraint, and the value of carrying oneself with purpose.
But my inner healing—my self-love, my freedom from judgment, my ability to breathe—that came from Jesus.
It was Jesus who transformed my heart. Who released me from being hardened, legalistic, and self-critical. Who took the inner struggle and replaced it with peace. And that’s a healing I could never have predicted.
Masculine Energy Without Romance
Not every healing moment involved dating. Some of the most nurturing male energy I’ve received has been in platonic spaces—like the men at church who greet me with side hugs and genuine concern, who ask how I’m doing, who offer help with no hidden motive.
It reminded me that masculine energy doesn’t always have to be romantic or sexual to be healing. Just being seen and honored by good men has been therapy for my soul.
The Formula That Changed Everything
Here’s a powerful practice I learned from my first life coach (and then saw modeled in real life):
When dating, don’t just focus on what went wrong. Look at what went right. Ask yourself: ✨ What did I like about this person? ✨ What quality made me feel safe, seen, or appreciated?
Then write those qualities down. Over time, you build a clear, personal picture of the kind of man you’re truly seeking—based on values, not appearances. It’s no longer “I want someone like Mike or John.” It’s “I want someone who’s emotionally available, or deeply spiritual, or adventurous.”
You strip away the face, and you focus on the substance.
Freedom at Fifty
When I left my marriage, I was told no one would want me. “You’re about to be 50. Who’s going to want you?” But here’s the truth: I’ve never been more wanted. Not just physically—but spiritually, emotionally, intellectually. The right men see me. They value me. And more importantly, I value me.
I’m not who I was three or five years ago. That woman is gone. I’ve been reborn. My standards have changed, my energy has changed, my whole identity has been redefined.
Healing is an Open Door
If you’re in a religious space that doesn’t allow dating, you can still have these conversations—with brothers, cousins, uncles, fathers, or mentors. Ask the men in your life about their views on manhood, relationships, heartbreak, and healing. You might be surprised by what you learn.
Healing from trauma isn’t always about looking inward. Sometimes it’s about reaching across the line, sitting in unfamiliar company, and letting yourself be loved differently.
✨ Journaling Prompt:
What has your experience with masculine energy been like? How has it helped—or hindered—your healing? In what ways can you begin to rewrite that story today?
📖 Scripture Reflection:
“Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?” — Isaiah 43:19
This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Very simple, very profound.
To rejoice is to experience and express profound joy and happiness. It involves being deeply pleased and celebrating the good things in life. Rejoicing in the Lord involves acknowledging God’s grace and presence in your life, even in difficult times. There are many ways to express joy in the body and this has numerous health benefits. Though every religion has sacred days dedicated to celebration, expressions of joy need not be limited to one specific day.
Faith Meets Emotion: A Divine Pairing
The verse in Psalm 118:24 contains two truths: first, that God is the creator of each day (a statement of faith), and second, that we are invited to respond to that creation with joy (an emotional expression).
Coming from Islam to Christianity, this idea of being joyful is still new to me. In my previous religious practice, there was much concern about the legalities of doing the right things in the right way, at the right times. Awe and fear were most important feelings to have towards God and the worship of Him. However, to follow Christ is to embrace a love and grace-based faith where emotional expression—rejoicing—is not only allowed but encouraged.
When the last chains of my spiritual shame were broken…I cried…hard! I wept from a place inside me I didn’t know about. I wept in the crevices where there were spider webs on old pain and its lies. And after a good hard minute or 2 of weeping, something strange happened…I laughed. I laughed so hard, and I jumped! and I shouted! I shouted, “This is the best night ever!!!” Kind of corny but the truth. I rejoiced that my guilt and shame had truly been cast away! The lightness I felt is
Ultimately, spiritual and emotional health go hand in hand. Rejoicing is an emotional act, yes, but also a spiritual one. The more we celebrate God’s grace, the more we open ourselves to healing. This union of spirit and emotion is not new. It echoes across scriptures and sacred traditions. Psalm 98 invites creation itself—the rivers, the mountains—to rejoice. Joy, then, is not only human but cosmic.
Why rejoice?
The Sacred Power of Rejoicing on Emotional, Spiritual, and Physical Health
Someone might say, “Why should I rejoice when life is so bad?” The focus on negative aspects of life can begin a cycle of discontent. A person may cite a myriad reasons—ranging from economic instability to personal failures—that justify their unhappiness. This mindset not only diminishes one’s quality of life but also contradicts the biblical exhortation found in Philippians 4:4: “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!” The call to rejoice serves as a reminder that emotional and spiritual health are interconnected; neglecting one invariably affects the other
Rejoicing in the Lord means finding joy and delight in God, not just in fleeting emotions, but in a deeper, more profound state of joy rooted in your relationship with Him and His love. It’s a choice to focus on God’s goodness and blessings, even when facing difficulties, and to trust in His promises and plan. Rejoicing strengthens your faith, offers hope and stabilitiy, and is a way to emulate Jesus.
Joy has been scientifically linked to numerous health benefits, impacting both physical and mental well-being. It can lead to improved cardiovascular health, reduced stress, and even a strengthened immune system. Moreover, experiencing joy can enhance mental resilience and improve sleep quality. Joy enhances mental well-being, improves memory, and increases creativity.
What does rejoicing look like?
Rejoicing in Practice: Tools for Embodied Joy
Rejoicing is not always spontaneous. Sometimes, it must be practiced, cultivated, even scheduled. I want to provide a simple and profound toolkit for doing just that: These practices are not tied to one religion—they are universal expressions of humanity. I would challenge readers of all faiths (or none) to ask themselves: What does rejoicing look like for you? What makes you want to rejoice? Laugh? But right now, let’s just rejoice. I would love for you to rejoice with me! How are we going to rejoice?
We’re going to shout! – Releasing vocal energy frees the nervous system and stirs confidence.
We’re going to dance, jump, and stomp! – Moving to rhythm creates joy in the body and connects people to cultural roots.
We’re going to laugh until we cry!
We’re going to sing songs of Victory! Music lifts the soul, whether it’s gospel, African spirituals, or a handpan melody.
We’re going to clap – applauding the goodness of God
We’re going to raise our arms and hands to the heavens – viscerally surrendering our will to the Almighty and opening up a divine portal,k ready to receive
Psalm 98:8 says: “Let the rivers clap their hands, Let the mountains sing together for joy.”
”Oh clap your hands, all ye peoples; Shout unto God with the voice of triumph. Psalms 47:1
Journal Entry
Have a journal, 2 good pens, a highlighter. and a Bible; whether digital or in text. These are the tools that you need.
Focus on God’s grace: Acknowledge His presence in your life and His unwavering love.
Pray and meditate: Engage in prayer to strengthen your faith and find peace in God’s love.
Find joy in service: Help others and give back to your community, finding joy in making a difference.
Journal with Intention – Writing down blessings, thoughts, or prayers makes internal joy visible.
Meditate on Scripture – Let verses like Psalm 47:1 and Psalm 98:8 shape the language of praise: “Oh clap your hands, all ye peoples… Let the rivers clap their hands.”
What does rejoicing look or sound like for you? When was the last time you allowed yourself to fully rejoice, no matter your circumstances?
Share you thoughts, reflections, or discoveries by email or in the comments.
“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” — Psalm 30:5
Good morning. This is Nela, and this is your morning message. I love these moments in the morning because when I wake up, I feel renewed. I feel refreshed. And before we go further, I want to gently let you know—I will speak about Jesus Christ in this message, because that’s where my healing and transformation live.
Yesterday, I had a deeply emotional moment. I was reflecting on my old religious community—my friends, my former students, my mentors—people I genuinely loved and who loved me for many years. When news of my conversion spread, their response was sorrowful, even accusatory. They said, “You mocked us. You attacked our beliefs.”
To be honest, I was shocked. That’s not how I saw it. I wasn’t attacking—I was just telling my story. And my story is wrapped up in Islam, what I learned from it, and how I experienced it. But it also includes something new: my transformation through Christ.
In that moment of accusation, I began to question myself: Am I a terrible person? Am I cold-hearted for not feeling the pain they feel? I couldn’t find an open appointment with my therapist, so instead, I brought it to the Holy Spirit and surrendered it in prayer. I went to sleep, and in the morning—it was clear.
“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”
For months, I had lived in a space between two identities: the Muslim woman dressed in black, teaching Quran and Arabic—and the woman I am now: a daughter of Christ, reborn. The Holy Spirit revealed to me that the old has passed away. I am fully transformed. The woman they remember no longer exists! I am made new! My only job now is to keep walking with Christ and keep trusting Him in order to fulfill my purpose and reap the reward of what he promised:
I came that you have life and have it more abundantly.
I am in awe that this is real. I am in awe that even though the Bible has been changed over the centuries, it still has the power to reach a broken person like me in 2025 and completely transform my life.
I want to read to you from the Gospel of John. This is really what my channel and my message are about—healing and recovery from trauma through the transformation that comes in Christ.
From John 10:22–30, Jesus says:
“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand… I and the Father are one.”
That passage moved me deeply. I now understand what it means to be one of His sheep—called, known, protected. I’ve been diving into the Gospel of John because it gives such a vivid, beautiful account of Jesus’ life—His miracles, His words, His truth.
What I didn’t know until recently is that when you study the Word not just for knowledge but to know God, to know Jesus, something miraculous happens: it becomes part of your spirit. The Bible is the living Word. Jesus said, I am the Living Water, the Bread of Life. Even with all the human edits and history, it still carries the divine spark. It still changes people. It changed me.
🌄 Final Thoughts for This Morning
If you’re in a place of pain, confusion, or transition, I want to remind you—you’re not alone. Identity shifts can bring grief, and grief can bring self-doubt. But healing is possible. Joy does come in the morning.
Stay close to the light. Stay curious. And know that transformation doesn’t mean betraying the past—it means answering a deeper call to who you’re becoming.
Blessings on your morning, your walk, and your voice.
Take care,
Nela
An hour or so after producing this piece, it hit me very hard. I actually had to check in with…
hello Nela. Thank you for sharing. Your story truly resonates with me. I am a little curious about the concern…
This is Nela. I’m so glad you decided to join me on Nela’s Nest dot blog. I want to ask you a question. If you’re here and you’re searching, if you’re searching for answers, if you’re searching for peace, if you’re searching for clarity after confusion. (0:33) When I see this question, are you carrying guilt and shame? You know, I spoke with a woman from a global organization. She works with ex-Muslims from all around the world, from Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Egypt. I myself have listened to ex-Muslim stories from, you know, U.S. other places. And there’s one thing that keeps coming up in these conversations. And that is guilt and shame. (1:16) Guilt says that I have done something wrong. Shame says that I am something wrong. Both of these are very toxic to our spiritual and emotional health. Now, what happens to a lot of Muslims while they may have good intentions in trying their best to practice the religion of Islam? (1:45) They find that they don’t meet the mark. And not meeting the mark might be, you know, missing prayers or missing fast, for example, or not wearing hijab or maybe falling into something that is considered forbidden.(2:09) Whatever the case may be, what happens, the cycle of the guilt and shame is that the person feels guilty for not doing or for doing wrong. (2:24) That’s number one. Then number two, they have to conceal it.They can’t share it with their friend that, you know what? I don’t want to fast Ramadan tomorrow. I don’t feel like fasting. (2:38) Or can I just fast, you know, a week out of Ramadan or do I have to do the whole 30 days? Or, you know what, I never made up my fast. I’m so bad. I’m such a bad Muslim, such a bad person. There’s something wrong with me. So I can easily go from guilt straight to shame by first convicting myself for not doing. (3:05) And then proclaiming that inside of myself, and all this is going on inside of my own heart and my own mind, proclaiming that there’s something wrong with me. (3:17) And that’s the shame.And then the longer I keep it secret and try to cover it up, like a lot of Muslim youth are doing, the deeper the guilt and the shame becomes. (3:38) And now the tragedy of that is that my perception of what God thinks of me is all distorted. There are Muslims who think that God doesn’t love them.(3:58) God has cursed them. God is punishing them. They don’t know if God forgives them.And this is very, very trying on a human soul. (4:15) And so this space here is meant to be a space of healing. And so in a space of healing, there are certain things that have to be rooted out, certain things that cannot be present.(4:32) One of them is guilt. Another one is shame. Another one is blame.. So how do you feel about your relationship with God? (4:48) Do you feel that you are valuable to him? Do you feel that he loves you? Do you feel that you are loved? Do you feel that you are supported? (4:56) Do you believe that you’re worthy of God’s love? What are your thoughts, feelings around your relationship with God? (5:11) So I want to challenge you this morning. If you’re willing, if you are willing to journal and write down, really what’s in your mind, really what’s in your heart. (5:27) Because I can almost guarantee you, someone else feels the same way. Sometimes we feel like we’re alone. Like I’m the only one who feels like this. (5:39) I’m the only one who’s struggling with this. But that’s a trick of the enemy to keep you isolated. And the more isolated you feel, the longer it might take for you to heal. (6:00) So this was just a short message this morning.I hope this will benefit you. And pretty soon I will hold a very confidential private Zoom meeting for us to get together. (6:16) And discuss these things.
My name is Nela and I am here to share not only my personal experience but the tools of healing from trauma.
It’s great that therapy has become less taboo in our society and I believe therapy is a good beginning on the road to healing (for many people). However, people have to realize that clinical therapy only represents about 25% of the healing process. Therapy is a beginning, an opening. A clinical professional has a trained ear and can help us to pinpoint damaging beliefs and/or give relevant diagnosis. This is important and has its place. However, one may sit with a therapist for just 2 hours a month. If you have worked with a therapist, you know that it can take time to open up and trust this other human to whom you are telling your story. Even after we hear a diagnosis, we might think, ‘great, now I know what’s wrong with me.’ But knowledge and understanding of our condition DOES NOT CHANGE US. In many spaces over the internet, people are DESCRIBING emotional and relationship issues, but resolving our issues is entirely different. We must have the tools of transformation.
The Good Work
So, I wish to present here and on my You Tube channel what we shall call, The Good Work. Made up of an array of healing modalities, The Good Work is what we have the power to do on behalf of our own healing process.
The process of healing and recovering from childhood trauma, spiritual abuse, or any other kind of painful event has been a topic of passionate personal study for me since I experienced an emotional breakdown in 2017.
Breathwork: Recently, I started taking an African dance class, which is a very exhilarating full body cardio workout. I was surprised to feel that my breathing was very steady during the whole workout while other ladies were out of breath. But breathwork is for more than a physical benefit. It calms the nervous system and nurtures an emotion that trauma survivors savor: the feeling of safety.
Meditation; ‘Be still and know that I am God.’ When recovering from traumas we want to begin to choose better responses to the world around us. Instead of ‘being triggered’ or ‘snapping’ in a stressful situation, stillness helps us regulate our responses and develop greater emotional stability.
Sacred Readingand Prayer; Study of the Bible or other writings that speak to the needs of the spirit give us hope and help us to see beyond what is in front of us.
Journaling; We begin to observe our own thoughts, feelings, reactions, and behaviors not to judge ourselves, but to recognize areas where we can heal and grow.
Declarations are statements we make with authority and clarity. These faith-filled statements empower us to live according to God’s will, confronting life’s challenges with the whole armor of His truth. When you declare you are aligning your words with God’s Word, and that alignment brings about transformation.
‘Walk in Truth‘: Walk in that truth, move in that truth, whether it be by actual walking, dance or exercise. Have you ever listened to music during a cardio workout and hours later still had that song in your head? This is the affect we are creating when we move in our declarations.
High-minded Talk; using our words to regulate our emotions is a skill that aids in our healing. For ‘… what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart…’ So, as we cleanse our hearts of the old hurts, we change our words to maintain our new emotional state.
Heal Yourself & Your Household
When you understand each modality in the ‘toolbox’, you can begin to write your own prescription for yourself and your household to heal what is emotionally or spiritually ailing you. We have to realize that the emotions are in our bodies and this Good Work is mostly internal. It may seem unimportant but I assure you each one of these modalities IS significant and all of them firing at once has saved me from the misery of low self-esteem, which led to me joining an extreme religion.
Emotional and spiritual healing can be an entire journey. Remember, you are not just healing for you, you are healing for everyone and everything connected to you. All your relationships will transform for the better when you feel better from the inside out. I hope this information will serve you at the highest level.
Nela's Nest 
An hour or so after producing this piece, it hit me very hard. I actually had to check in with…