Tag: trauma

🌿Introduction: Why Nela’s Nest Exists

A Sanctuary for Trauma Healing, Not a Spotlight on Me

What brought me here is not why I am here.

Yes, it was trauma—religious trauma, emotional trauma, and the collapse of everything I thought was true—that pushed me into the healing process. My story includes an emotional breakdown in 2018, a faith crisis the following year, and the slow, agonizing unraveling of a belief system I had committed to for more than 25 years. Those experiences shook me awake. They forced me to confront the gap between what I believed and what I truly knew in my soul.

But make no mistake: that is not why Nela’s Nest exists.

My personal story is simply the doorway. It is not the destination.

I share pieces of my journey—my years in the Middle East, my deconstruction process, the grief I carried, and the truths I uncovered—not to center myself, but to create connection. I offer my experience as a bridge so others don’t feel alone as they walk their own difficult path toward healing.

Because the real mission of Nela’s Nest is this:

🌿 To support the healing and recovery of those who carry childhood trauma, spiritual trauma, or both.

What I learned on my own journey is something I never expected:
The religious and spiritual wounds I suffered did not begin with religion.
They were rooted in my childhood.

Unmet needs.
Silent pain.
Confusion that had no language.
A longing to belong.
Fear of disappointing people who held power over me.

These early wounds laid the foundation for later spiritual trauma. They created vulnerabilities—openings—through which harmful teachings, rigid systems, and fear-based doctrines took hold.

When I finally began untangling my religious trauma, I found the deeper root beneath it. And that changed everything.

🌱 Healing, I discovered, is an inside-out process.

You cannot heal religious trauma without addressing the childhood patterns that allowed it to shape you.
You cannot reclaim your spiritual life without understanding the emotional life that lived beneath it.
You cannot build a new identity without honoring the parts of you that were silenced, ignored, or conditioned to accept harm.

Nela’s Nest was created to support you through this entire journey.

This is a space for:

  • asking questions without fear
  • understanding the connection between childhood wounds and spiritual patterns
  • learning how trauma shapes the way we believe, trust, love, and relate
  • rebuilding a sense of self rooted in truth, not fear
  • finding compassion for the parts of you that had to survive

I am here not as a guru, not as a religious authority, and not as the center of the story—
but as a fellow traveler who learned how to climb out of a deep, dark place and now extends a hand to help others find their way too.

Welcome to the Nest.
This is your sanctuary.
This is your soft place to land.
This is where healing begins.

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Parenting, Confidence, and Spiritual Growth

A Morning Walk in Soloman’s Wisdom

This morning, my daughter started her first real job. Not just a part-time gig or something casual—her first truly “adult” job. A sales position uptown where she said she could make as much money as she wants… kind of.

As a mom, I felt a wave of pride—and also a tug of nervousness. I know sales demands confidence. I also know how delicate that confidence can be, especially if it’s been undermined in subtle ways by the kind of parenting I once practiced. Parenting shaped by fear. By rules. By the pressure of a strict religious environment.

So I offered a small gesture of support:
“Let me walk you to the bus station.”

It’s only a five-minute walk. But to me, it felt like a quiet chance to uplift her—and, if I’m honest, to gently undo some of the damage I may have caused over the years.

She agreed. I said, “We can walk and talk. I want to share something Solomon once said.”

She glanced at me sideways, suspicious.. “Mom… is this from the Bible?”

“Yes,” I smiled. “But you know Sulaiman,” I added in Arabic, hoping it might sound more familiar, more approachable. “He was a powerful prophet and king!”

We started walking. Well—she started walking. At nineteen, her legs are long and fast. Mine, not so much. I was falling behind, breathless.

She glanced back, called out, “Gotta go! There’s the bus!”

My shoulders drooped. I had missed my moment.

But just as she stepped onto the bus, she turned and shouted over her shoulder:

“Text me what Solomon said!”

Something about that moment felt like an opening.
Not because I’m trying to change her—her spiritual journey will unfold in its own time when the season is right. But I want her to have full access to the richness of God’s Word and the spiritual abundance that’s already meant for her.

Soloman’s words?

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
(Proverbs 4:23)

A seed planted.
A step toward healing.
For both of us.

💬 Have you had a moment like this—where a small exchange held deep healing?

I’d love to hear from you. Drop a comment below, or share this post with someone who’s healing from faith, parenting, or spiritual wounds.

Let’s keep these conversations going—because healing grows stronger when it’s shared.

🕊️ With love and light,
Nela

Nelajaye@gmail.com

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I Have Heard Your Reactions

Dear Friends,

Good evening. This is Nela.

I want to acknowledge that my recent interview has been both shocking and deeply painful for many Muslims who knew me. I’ve heard your feedback, and I want you to know that I receive it with humility.

What I shared came from a place of deep personal struggle—a crisis of faith that was agonizing and transformative. It’s an excruciating grief I would not wish on anyone. The joy I expressed was not aimed at mocking Muslims, but at celebrating the freedom I’ve found after years of spiritual confusion. Only a few months ago, I could not have spoken about these things without bitter tears.

I wish I could have spared you the hurt of hearing the news. But you should know that my faith transition has happened over the course of 3 years. and no one is more shocked about it than me. I did not ask for this or plan it. I’m still fascinated and astonished at this whole spiritual journey myself.

Though I consistently participate in healing work, I will own that there are areas of my spirit where I am still releasing anger and disillusionment. There may be moments when these residual emotions leak out, masked by sarcasm.

And I take full accountability for what I say and how I say it.

I understand that Muslims are listening, and intend to be mindful of how I speak moving forward.

This is my story—my truth. My goal is never to cause harm, but to bear witness to the journey God is guiding me through.

My platform, Nela’s Nest, is a space carefully created for women of all faiths. This is not meant to be a forum for argument or hostile debate though thoughtful and healthy discourse is welcome. Our ultimate mission is clear: to assist women in the deep and sacred work of healing and recovery from emotional and spiritual trauma.

The topic; Perspectives on Islam is only a pretense for my platform — the gateway into my own journey of healing. It was through this deeply personal process of examining Islam, allowing myself to ask questions and face my doubts, that my eyes were opened.

I will share what God has revealed to me through His Living Word — about Islam and the Abrahamic faiths more broadly. Once all questions, doubts, and insights have found their voice — we will move into a powerful spiritual transition: rebuking falsehood and replacing it with truth.

After this foundational work is complete, we can then fully engage with the heart of this platform:
Healing and Recovery from Trauma — A Wise Woman’s Toolbox.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out, challenged me, or simply listened.

With respect and sincerity,
Nela

formerly known as ‘Nadiya’

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Our Mission here: The Good Work

Healing and Recovery from Trauma, The Good Work

Peace and Welcome!

My name is Nela and I am here to share not only my personal experience but the tools of healing from trauma.

It’s great that therapy has become less taboo in our society and I believe therapy is a good beginning on the road to healing (for many people). However, people have to realize that clinical therapy only represents about 25% of the healing process. Therapy is a beginning, an opening. A clinical professional has a trained ear and can help us to pinpoint damaging beliefs and/or give relevant diagnosis. This is important and has its place. However, one may sit with a therapist for just 2 hours a month. If you have worked with a therapist, you know that it can take time to open up and trust this other human to whom you are telling your story. Even after we hear a diagnosis, we might think, ‘great, now I know what’s wrong with me.’ But knowledge and understanding of our condition DOES NOT CHANGE US. In many spaces over the internet, people are DESCRIBING emotional and relationship issues, but resolving our issues is entirely different. We must have the tools of transformation.

The Good Work

So, I wish to present here and on my You Tube channel what we shall call, The Good Work. Made up of an array of healing modalities, The Good Work is what we have the power to do on behalf of our own healing process.

The process of healing and recovering from childhood trauma, spiritual abuse, or any other kind of painful event has been a topic of passionate personal study for me since I experienced an emotional breakdown in 2017.

  1. Breathwork: Recently, I started taking an African dance class, which is a very exhilarating full body cardio workout. I was surprised to feel that my breathing was very steady during the whole workout while other ladies were out of breath. But breathwork is for more than a physical benefit. It calms the nervous system and nurtures an emotion that trauma survivors savor: the feeling of safety.
  2. Meditation; ‘Be still and know that I am God.’ When recovering from traumas we want to begin to choose better responses to the world around us. Instead of ‘being triggered’ or ‘snapping’ in a stressful situation, stillness helps us regulate our responses and develop greater emotional stability. 
  3. Sacred Reading and Prayer; Study of the Bible or other writings that speak to the needs of the spirit give us hope and help us to see beyond what is in front of us.
  4. Journaling; We begin to observe our own thoughts, feelings, reactions, and behaviors not to judge ourselves, but to recognize areas where we can heal and grow.
  5. Declarations are statements we make with authority and clarity. These faith-filled statements empower us to live according to God’s will, confronting life’s challenges with the whole armor of His truth. When you declare you are aligning your words with God’s Word, and that alignment brings about transformation.
  6. ‘Walk in Truth‘: Walk in that truth, move in that truth, whether it be by actual walking, dance or exercise. Have you ever listened to music during a cardio workout and hours later still had that song in your head? This is the affect we are creating when we move in our declarations.
  7. High-minded Talk; using our words to regulate our emotions is a skill that aids in our healing. For ‘… what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart…’ So, as we cleanse our hearts of the old hurts, we change our words to maintain our new emotional state.

Heal Yourself & Your Household

When you understand each modality in the ‘toolbox’, you can begin to write your own prescription for yourself and your household to heal what is emotionally or spiritually ailing you. We have to realize that the emotions are in our bodies and this Good Work is mostly internal. It may seem unimportant but I assure you each one of these modalities IS significant and all of them firing at once has saved me from the misery of low self-esteem, which led to me joining an extreme religion.

Emotional and spiritual healing can be an entire journey. Remember, you are not just healing for you, you are healing for everyone and everything connected to you. All your relationships will transform for the better when you feel better from the inside out. I hope this information will serve you at the highest level.

Nela

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